copyright 2001, D. Glenn Arthur Jr. Last updated 2002-09-05.

My Ex-Girlfriend

Jane broke up with me in September 1999, and it took me a long time to really feel like dealing with cleaning up my web pages that mention her. At first it was too painful, then it was too permanent-seeming, then it was just awkward, and then I got busy with other things and just started putting it off. I apologize for leaving stale information up for so long (over two and a half years).

I'm considering this page an archive, so I'll leave most of it untouched beyond adding this explanatory material here at the top -- and modifying the photos so she can't be recognized, which means y'all can no longer see how beautiful she is, unfortunately. (She now feels she cannot afford to be recognized on the web.) I feel I should add the section that used to be on my "about me" page (from 1998 but also not removed until May 2001) for completeness here:

Gratuitous gushing about my girlfriend I'm dating a wonderful woman named Jane, who lives an hour's drive north of me in Baltimore. I feel like I must be the luckiest guy in the world to be with her. She plays alto sax. We're coming up on three years together (we celebrate the anniversary of our meeting on the last day of the Darkover science fiction convention). I wonder whether she's getting tired of my pointing cameras at her. I tend to do that a lot.

(Note that at the time I wrote that, I was living in a suburb of Washington, D.C. and Jane was living in Baltimore. I now live in Baltimore, and she is in Southern Maryland, near St. Mary's.)

And here's the archived page:

My Sweetie, Jane

[A hardware problem has delayed my being able to add the images I wanted to put on this page, but I'm finally getting some of the images up.]

I've got to be about the luckiest person in the world. Why? Because of my relationship with my girlfriend, Jane. Smart, sexy, cute, sweet, and in love with me. What more could anyone ask? (Okay, so perhaps one could ask for "rich" as well, but she's a student. I ain't complaining.)

How We Met

We've been together a little over four years now -- four years as of Thanksgiving 1998. We met a few days after Thanksgiving in 1994 at a science fiction convention known as Darkover. (Actually, the proper name of the convention is either "Armida Grand Council Meeting" or "Darkover Grand Council Meeting", but everyone just calls it "Darkover".) Jane, who at that time didn't actually attend conventions, had given someone else a ride there. We were introduced. Later, we bumped into each other again. We got to talking. We got to flirting. We spent most of the evening together. The entire chain of events was surprising to both of us, as we're both shy. (Yeah, yeah, I know, lots of people don't believe I'm shy. But I am.)

A few weeks later, I managed to work up my nerve to call the phone number she'd given me. Unfortunately, she'd given me the wrong number -- in her own nervousness that first evening, she'd given me her old phone number instead of her current one. So I had to work up my nerve to call again. Fortunately I managed to do so. *whew*

That Christmas, I gave her the etched-brass piece you can see on her web page.

Understanding

Jane's acceptance of me as a transgendered person is important -- and is another of the things that makes me feel so lucky. Some parts of that seem to be difficult for her sometimes, but it doesn't seem to get in the way of our love. Like many of my friends, she finds it more strange to see me in male attire than in my usual skirts. This isn't to say that everything is easy, however: when we are out in public together, rude people making comments about me anger and upset her. I've been dealing with this long enough to have grown a thick skin, but it really bothers her to see and hear people being so rude to me.

Jane is also understanding about my fibromyalgia. Not that she isn't frustrated or disappointed when I'm unable to do something because of it, but she understands that it happens sometimes, and that it's frustrating (and painful) for me as well. Again, I'm thankful for that understanding.

There are other examples as well -- I needn't list them all. Suffice it to say that there are some things Jane understands that not everyone would, and that there are also things which she didn't understand at first which she has made an effort to learn about and understand despite initially being bothered or frightened by them.

We talk and talk, about all sorts of things, sharing interesting ideas, silly observations, our feelings. Even the sorts of thoughts we dare not mention to other people. (Oh come on, you must have occasional thoughts -- sarcastic comments at least -- that you dare not say aloud because they're inappropriate, or because it's something that just strikes you as funny, but you're afraid other people would get the wrong impression of you, right? Or even things you dare not say for fear that someone will simply decide you're too strange? Well Jane and I get to share those thoughts with each other. Comfortably.) Even when we're upset, we try to listen to what each other is saying, and to explain what we're upset about. As a result, Jane and I can talk about just about anything that bothers either of us. And, of course, it also means we can talk about a great many things which please us, as well!

Did I Mention Cute?

Jane is adorable. She probably blushed and sputtered when she read this, but oh well -- she really is. And to make things worse, we're cute together. Fortunately we manage to tone it down a lot whenever anybody else is within earshot, but it's too much for some witnesses even so. Look we're sorry, okay? We just can't help it!

But even without me, Jane is amazingly cute. Not just because of her cute face and her Cute Widdle Nose, but the expressions that cross her face, and the things she says. Oh, she just makes me melt sometimes. (And, reading this, she's probably pursing her lips, raising her eyebrows, and saying, "Wha'd I do?" in that cute way she has!)

I enjoy showing people pictures I've taken of Jane. (No, not that kind of picture!!) There's one I call the "Aww" picture, 'cause everyone who sees it melts and says, "Awwww!" I'll have to scan it and put it on this page. :-) She'll probably shoot me. [Update as of 26 May 1998 -- I've included it next to this paragraph. I'll let y'all know if she shoots me.] [Update as of 9 June 1998 -- Jane sent me email saying to consider myself shot.]

The funny thing is that Jane doesn't realize how attractive she is (which goes way beyond merely cute). Why, it was a major battle even to make her understand what a Cute Widdle Nose she has! *sigh*

Jane's An Artist

Jane is an artist. You can see a few examples of her work on her web page. Over the years she's given me cool Christmas and birthday gifts she made herself: A shower curtain with a picture of The Little Prince playing my electric guitar; A wall-sculpture of a heart, a transgender symbol, and our names; A spoof Altoids advertisement referring to an in-joke among our friends; A clock with photos of her all over the face (which should appear to the left of this paragraph). I like it when she gives me things she's made. It's so nifty being in love with an artist.

Jane's A Musician

A couple years ago, Jane started learning to play the saxophone. She played with the Baltimore Symphonic Band for a while, but various factors have kept her from that recently, alas. Once in a while we play together, at home (hers or mine) -- she takes melody on the sax and I play chords -- and she's even started picking up the guitar a little. Come to think of it, we've even played together at parties a couple times. (Once I even tried joining in on an extra sax (an instrument I don't actually play) that was handy, along with Jane and a friend of ours. I'm not sure I remember what we were trying to play, but I think it was "Linus And Lucy". You know, da-da-dum-da-da-dum-DAAAA-DAAAA; dee-dee-dee-dum... We were reading out of a piano score and dividing it into parts.)

I rather enjoy hearing Jane play her sax or my guitar, even when she hasn't practiced in a while.

I must admit that there's something really nifty about hearing her play Scottish fiddle tunes on the sax, or work her way through familiar English Country Dance tunes on the guitar. She likes to play some of my guitars, and she's got one of her own as well. And a clarinet, but I don't think that gets played enough.

Geekbabe In Training

I admit it: I'm a geek. Before fibromyalgia put me on disability, I was a computer programmer/analyst (and probably will be again, if I ever get the fibro under control). So it's really neat to be dating someone else who enjoys the techie side of things. Jane's pursuing a CIS degree and doesn't think of herself as a "Badass Geekbabe" yet (though I'm tempted to get her the T-shirt anyhow), so we've settled on the title "Geekbabe In Training" for the time being. I actually enjoy helping her with her homework.

Other Stuff

Jane likes my friends. Not all of my friends, but enough of them to be a member of my social circle in her own right, not just as my girlfriend. Maybe this isn't an unusual situation, but I'm still glad of it. Some of my friends and acquaintances have become closer to her than to me. While we definitely like to have time with just each other, it's great to know that going off to see my friends doesn't mean leaving her behind. Or having her come along only as an arm decoration. In fact, Jane drags me to more parties with my own friends (that is to say, old friends I introduced her to) than I'd probably make it to without her. Cool, huh?

I like Jane's friends. I like meeting her friends. They're neat people, the ones I've met so far. I'd like to see more of them.

We're silly together. I mean really silly. It is fun to be silly. It's probably good for us, too. And we often find ourselves picking up each other's silly comment and expanding on it, or completing the thought. Sometimes I wonder whether we're really characters on a television comedy or something, except that we're too smart and don't do the sneaky/guilty set-up-for-embarassment stuff that sitcom characters spend too much time doing. So there. :-P

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